he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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