So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
