You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
