Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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