I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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