so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
