I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
