He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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