i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
