so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
