the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
