i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
