Sponge bath it is.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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