another moral hangover. fuck.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
