This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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