I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
