Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
