i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
