I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dignity is for republicans.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
