I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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