Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
