My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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