are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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