CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
