No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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