I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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