his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
