God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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