she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
