Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
