You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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