I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
