im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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