just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
organizing the empties. That sober.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you had me at cake vodka
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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