I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
