Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
