Will you blow on my dice?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
im six kinds of drunk right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
