They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
