DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
