im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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