New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize