If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
