whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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