Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
