I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
