Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
