there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
