I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
