The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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