So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
