i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
