I look better un-naked...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
