rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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